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October 20 let's start it over ok, i hope this is A closure for the past and i could just keep my chin up for the future depression can overtake you only if yourself let it consume you...........by entertaining it in your own mind......errrrrrrrrrr...........apparently i DID.......... that's how this uninvited guest none other than this old friend of mine -depression, had come for visit again, when i was lying on my bed in the dark lately. and, it all started with that one single sigh..... i tried not to entertain it by thinking all of the blessings i've had, people and things i have, happiest moments, achievements... i even tried to put a smile on my face. all of these didnt seem to be working. i just kept succumbing to all these negative emotions.... well, life has been a wild roller coaster ride for me. one moment, you're floating among the clouds... then suddenly you found yourself going through so much hell the next. just this year alone, a lot has happened and most of them brought tears in my eyes and NO, i dont mean tears of joy. until now, am going through something that's pushing me to the edge of my sanity. with all the jokes and punches that life has been throwing at me, am surprised i havent gone crazy yet. am starting to feel like nothing really matters to me anymore. if you think you are beaten, then you are! if you think you dare not, then you wont. success begins at your own will... it's all in your state of mind. life's battles are not always won by those who stronger or faster. sooner or later, the person who wins is the person who thinks he can. I can or I can't?? either both choices are right... what will yours be? I sure am going to miss sitting here in my room in front of my laptop, thinking and writing stuff about my "miserable life". for now, i wish everybody all the best things life can offer. October 05 等一个人 这篇blog与旅行无关,借用丽江古城里一间客栈的名字作为题目 或者说，我都不知道自己游记哪年能写完，现在还没写到进藏呢，堆quote：下次进藏以前写完就成 "悲伤分为五个阶段.虽然每人情况更不相同，但都可以分为这五个阶段.否认，愤怒，交涉，消沉，接受." 在人生的某个十字路口上，做出一个比较重要的选择，我想每个人都是深思熟虑过的 既然是认真考虑很久的决定，基本也不会轻易再去改变再去反复 从2008年11月正式决定回国，到现在2009年的10月，有个小一年了 伴之而来的是这一年中两个悲伤的cycle，现在所处的位置，是第二个循环的消沉阶段 当然，不是每个阶段的时间长短都一样 用来最后否认的过程一般较长，愤怒和交涉的时间最短，消沉的时间最长，而从消沉到接受又是最艰难的 人消沉了，心中的那件事儿那个人就跟着沉到心底里去了，这使得它更方便不分昼夜地侵蚀着摧残着整个人 所谓外到筋骨皮,内到心肝肺呐 任何一个正常的人，终日暴露在这种辐射之下，基本上也健康不到哪儿去 或许接受了，就轻松了 又或许接受了，却是另外一个悲伤循环的开始 做一个坚强的人很辛苦,但除了坚强,我一无所有  October 02 我的滇藏行之重返丽江7月13日出发的滇藏行程，7月8日凌晨5点我就起了床，早上8点嘟嘟的直飞回了丽江，为的是参加我与大侄子“俩神经病的聚会”这一病坛盛事（上一次离开这个机场是同年6月20日他的生日当天/我生日的前一天）。 和大多数人一样，最最开始丽江吸引我们的就是那种懒散的生活方式。但是后来，我们发现那些完全商业化运作的酒吧也好商铺也好，让人静动皆宜，丽江的运作堪称完美。懒散宁静的生活并不等同于我们愿意住在闭关修行般的束河古镇，正所谓高处不胜寒啊，当然也并不等同于我们愿意终日流连在四方街连小强都能震死的高强BASS里。 在丽江，宁静致远和人声鼎沸同样唾手可得。往往这一刻还拥挤于喧闹的街市里，踏在被南来北往的人们踩的光滑发亮的石板路上，下一刻就不经意拐进某个小巷，小桥流水别有洞天。若是把自己藏在像“崇仁”这样的静街书吧里，抬眼望去只见窗外高高矮矮的瓦片古屋，低头静静的翻看书页，举杯抿一口清茶，恍若已在另外一个人世间。 7月丽江，慵懒的白天，睡醒懒觉的我，会慢悠悠的从古城外走去找青年旅社堆，然后去“布拉格咖啡”或者“藏餐吧”消磨午后的闲散时光，喝茶，看书，发呆，写字。下次有机会去丽江的朋友，别忘了在布拉格咖啡找到这本丽江往事喏 2009.6.27 小堆&小米
丽江的夜生活里，一半时间我们在"樱花屋"，在"后街五号"这种说话都要提高八个分贝对方还听不清楚的喧闹酒吧里，拼酒也好，看热舞的MM们也好，总之和在北京或者悉尼的任何一间PUB里没啥区别。另外一半时间，我们满丽江的寻找“感觉对的清吧”，企图去听听音乐，喝喝小酒。遗憾的是没有去久负盛名的"38号"，而一头扎在了同在五一街上的“班达”，在旅行的后几天，那儿几乎成了小堆免费驻唱的地方了。氤氲的灯光，温暖的火塘，及窗外丽江那淅沥的雨，双手捂着我的姜汁可乐，耳边响起的是许巍的《故乡》： “我是永远向着远方独行的浪子 尽管这些年来，我似乎也是个一直向着远方独行的浪子。这一路的走来，谁能告诉我把自己的灵魂丢在哪里了么？
"小隐于野,大隐于市." 我想丽江古镇给我们带来的震撼和感觉是永远不可磨灭和替代的， |
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